Enduring trials

Neal A. Maxwell, “Enduring Well,” Ensign, Apr. 1997, 7 said“Trying to comprehend the trials and meaning of this life without understanding Heavenly Father’s marvelously encompassing plan of salvation is like trying to understand a three-act play while seeing only the second act. Fortunately, our knowledge of the Savior, Jesus Christ, and His Atonement helps us to endure our trials and to see purpose in suffering and to trust God for what we cannot comprehend.”

On October 26th of last year we began a trial that we thought we would never have to endure. Before you all panic and think we are once again talking about the house fire we had, nope that is not it. October 26th began the long process of watching dear friends deliver there long awaited and much loved and wanted child. This sounds like a wonderful story until you discover that she was only 24 weeks along in her pregnancy. Aleksei was born that afternoon weighing 1 pound 8 oz. A tiny way to enter this life. The first 11 days were the longest 11 days in there life and as we sat feeling helpless watching them endure this trial all we could possible so was to pray. I do not think I have ever prayed so hard in my entire life. Prayed for Aleksei and prayed for his parents. Prayed for the doctors and all that would be assisting with his care.
I believe at one point Rick and I turned to each other and stated that we never in the 11 years (because Princess Seriously was only 11 at the time) we had been parents has suffered as much as they had in those first 11 days.

I wrote in my journal.. Aleksei has had some setbacks. While he has not had PDA (a heart thing) he has, had this week the intestine set back. He had a hole in his intestines and the had to put the bag thing in it for what could be about 3 to 6 months. He has 8 days of rest before this happened. Eight days to gather his strength. He did really well that night. It was very optimistic. His mom and dad have been very hopefully and trying so hard to focus on the positive.
Today they did his brain scan. When he was born there was some brain bleeding. They rate it from 1 to 5, 1 being the best. And there is a number for each side. Today that number was up to 3 on each side. Today is when the CRUSHING reality came crashing in. Today has been the down side to all of this. Everything was outlined, including please start making arrangements for Aleksei because the possibly is there that he may not make it through the week. And at the same time he was brought up from 50% of living to 60%. Also the chances went up of him having mental problems if he does pull through. Everyone at this point will take whatever we can get. Normal or not. We just want to love him so much, we want to hold him, touch him and we want him to be well, in whatever form that is.To make this all harder, the baby next door went back to Heavenly Father. That was the most awful thing I have EVER witnessed. This poor dear family. There was SOOOOO much sadness. This was happening when I went up. I picked up on all this sadness and death and PANICKED! I stayed with Aleksei as long as I could. He was so agitated. He felt it too. They had to sedate him more. I went to DH and just sobbed and told him that he had to go be with Aleksei's dad.

I remember thinking that day, WHY? Why does this have to happen? Why are trials given to good people and WHY do they have to be so hard. When you are caught up in the moment, I have to say I did not have clarity. It was not until months later that I finally felt some inspiration to even think to be able to answer this question.

The Lord has said: “For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that keepeth my commandments, whether in life or in death; and he that is faithful in tribulation, the reward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven.
“Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall … follow after much tribulation.
“For after much tribulation come the blessings” (D&C 58:2–4).
Elder Adney Y. Komatsu Of the First Quorum of the Seventy said “As we pass through this mortal probation, we accrue many experiences. It is in these experiences that we are often beset with problems, challenges, adversities, afflictions, trials, and tribulations. The Lord said to the Prophet Joseph Smith, after a period of great afflictions, “Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good” (D&C 122:7).”

The early members of the church and leaders of the church suffered many afflictions, challenges, and trials. Many gave their very lives for their belief and testimony of the gospel. In the long journey over the pioneer trails, many children and adults were buried in graves along the way.
I am not sure about you, but getting in a wagon and crossing the plains would have been a huge trail. A trial of my faith.

Modern day trials come in all shapes and sizes, As parents we watch out children and never stop worrying about them. We love them, teach them and the stand back and watch them go through their own trials. As a teenage, you sit back and watch your peers self destruct and come to you and show you their drugs, tell you of their immorality, their trials as they watch their parents self destruct around them. Yet you stand strong and maintain you values and let your light shine. As a young child you sit in you class and speak of being grateful for a family that prays and eats dinner together while other talk of visiting Daddy in jail and seeing guns in the home is an every day occurrence.

Trials are for a reason and a reason which we may not understand now, at the time of the trial or not in this life time. Trials make us strong, Heavenly Father will not forsake us. I know that he is buoy us up and guide us to where we need to be. He will carry us, we must rely upon Him.

I can tell you this today because Aleksei turns one this week. All the suffering his parents had to do was not for nothing because their faith is stronger. They are stronger as a couple for being able to withstand the trials of having a preemie. Aleksei is perfect, there is virtually no way of knowing what he went through. He is a 20 pound perfect one year old.

Prayers were answered. We were not given more then what we could handle, though at times it seemed so hopeless. Stay strong because prayer works.